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Los Angeles Divorce Rate Now 100%

April 14, 2012

BEVERLY HILLS—The divorce rate in Los Angeles reached 100% yesterday, after the city's last married couple, Joan and Fred Zeidler, decided to end their nine-year-marriage.

The Zeidlers gained popularity in 2010 when census data revealed that they were the last married couple in L.A.

Because of their remarkable accomplishment, they were treated like royalty when they made public appearances at Panera Bread, Chase Bank, and Pinkberry.

"We always perked up when they walked in," said Chase Bank teller Mitch Cordry. "The Zeidlers were the only customers with a joint checking account. I'd always let them cut to the front of the line."

Zeidlers Flaunt Los Angeles Marriage

Zeidlers on the cover of LA Weekly

The Zeidlers graced the cover of LA Weekly several times. Their photo often appeared next to headlines such as “Couple Of Heroes” and “Two in a Million.”

In late 2011, the Zeidlers published, Beating The Odds: How You Can Stay Married in LA, which debuted at #1 on the New York Times Bestseller List. Esteemed literary critic Dwight Garner deemed the book "a marvelous work of fiction."

As the Zeidlers became a household name, local residents feared that flaunting their success would cause L.A.’s youth to have unrealistic expectations of marriage.

LAUSD elementary school teacher, Shelly Palmer explained, "My students often say, 'When I grow up, I want to be in a long-term marriage in L.A. like the Zeidlers.'" Palmer added, "I urge my students to aim for a more realistic goal, like being an astronaut."

Now, with the Zeidlers announcement causing the divorce rate to hit 100%, the institution of marriage is expected to go through a transformation in the coming weeks. L.A.'s new marriage model will be based on a recent bill proposed in Mexico.

The city will soon offer convenient, risk-free marriage leasing options of three, six, and nine months. Celebrities will be able to choose a marriage lease for as short as two weeks. Jewelry stores will offer ring rentals as well.

Rent-A-Center Offers Wedding Ring Leases

Lease a ring at Rent-A-Center

At wedding ceremonies, Ministers, Priests, and Rabbis will be required to ask, "Do you take this man to be your husband, for now?" Followed by, "Who do you think you're fooling?" If, at this point, the couple still insists on being married, the entire congregation must shout, “You've got to be kidding me!” in unison.

When newlyweds exit the chapel, it will now be a custom to throw Minute Rice, which is meant to symbolize the short timeframe of their marriage.

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