ENCINO—The last time Steven Frankel saw his family was March 23, 2004 - the very day he set out to make a 13-mile drive from his law office in Brentwood to his home in Encino. During the eight years Frankel was stuck in traffic, his son graduated high school, his daughter married, and his wife gave birth to their third child, whom he has yet to meet.
"It took me two years just to get on the 405 on-ramp at Wilshire Blvd. from my office on Bundy," he explained to the press, who eagerly awaited his arrival.Frankel managed to survive his eight-year-journey by strategically maneuvering his car to stay parallel to several Los Angeles food trucks, such as "Kogi BBQ" and "Coolhaus Ice Cream."
"As much as I missed my family, I really can't complain. Traffic is a small price to pay to live the L.A. dream," said Frankel.
Frankel continued to pay the mortgage on his $600,000, 1,100 square foot home by offering legal advice to adjacent cars and wiring the money to his wife electronically.
"Think about all the benefits you get from living in Los Angeles—the diversity, the culture … there's always something to do," said Frankel.
Frankel then learned that his wife, Jan remarried and divorced twice while he was stuck in traffic.
"It's understandable, honestly. Good for her!" exclaimed Frankel.
“Did I mention I spotted the fat guy from LOST during my 7th year in traffic? How many people can say that?” added Frankel, while hyperventilating and coughing profusely.
Frankel then collapsed from an asthma attack brought on by constantly breathing freeway smog for eight years straight. As paramedics lifted him onto a stretcher and transported him to the back of an ambulance, he used what little breath he had to utter, "I'm so glad I moved here from Portland."