SANTA MONICA—Santa Monica City Council passed a bill last week, headed by Mayor Richard Bloom, requiring all Santa Monica women to attend at least one yoga class per day.
One of Bloom's key running points during his reelection campaign was his promise to "renovate the City of Santa Monica."
"I said I'd keep the city looking good and I meant it," said Bloom. "To the women of Santa Monica I say, 'put down that hot dog and work on your downward dog.'"
The bill states that any woman who refuses to attend yoga class will be immediately deported to Culver City.
So far, the bill has received mixed reactions from Santa Monica women.
"Yoga is such a chore, but it's the law so I guess I have to do it," said Britney Westbrook, 25, as she walked down 2nd Street carrying a yoga mat provided by the city. "As much as I dislike yoga, I hate the idea of having to live in Culver City even more."
A woman exiting the Power Yoga Studio told the press, "I'm actually glad Mayor Bloom is forcing me to do yoga. Otherwise, I'd probably just sit at home and eat junk food all day."
Mayor Bloom now spends the majority of his workday guarding the ice cream section at the Santa Monica Whole Foods store.
"Ahem ahem," Bloom told one woman as she reached for the vanilla bean ice cream that did not have the "no sugar added" label.
"Atta girl!" he shouted to another woman who decided to bike to the store rather than drive.
Bloom paused to tell reporters, "I can't stress the importance of what I'm doing for this city. Without attractive women, Santa Monica is nothing more than Marina Del Rey."
As Bloom wrapped up his workday and exited the Whole Foods Store, he told reporters, "My heart has always been in public service, ever since my days as high school president when I'd prevent girls from entering the cafeteria's pizza line."