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‘$4 Gas Is Ridiculous,’ Says Man Sipping $5 Coffee

April 21, 2012

Man Angry At Los Angeles Gas Prices

WOODLAND HILLS—Today at a local Chevron Station, an L.A. resident went on a 20-minute rant about high gas prices while sipping a $5 coffee drink from Starbucks.

"It's a conspiracy I tell you," said 68-year-old Herb Bitterman. "The price of oil is being inflated artificially, and we're all getting screwed!" he shouted while waving his fist at the gas price sign.

Bitterman then took a sip of his Grande, double-shot, white chocolate mocha, which seemed to calm him down a bit.

"That is delicious," smiled Bitterman. "I think they're adding a touch of cinnamon now," he added as he paused to enjoy his drink.

Bitterman Angry At Los Angeles Gas Prices

Bitterman becomes hysterical halfway into filling his tank.

Bitterman returned to state of hostility when he glanced at the pump and noticed the price of his transaction was $42.91, and quickly climbing.

"Damn it!" yelled Bitterman. "This is all because of the Chinese, or perhaps it's the Arabs … or maybe the Jews. I don't really know who's at fault for these insane gas prices, but I know someone is to blame for this," said Bitterman as he continued to pump gas into his large SUV.

He then removed the lid off his drink and took a huge gulp. "Man, this is good!" exclaimed Bitterman, who now had a milk mustache.

Bitterman went on to explain why he thinks high gas prices are unjust.

"How hard can it be to make gas? You stick a pipe in the ground, suck up the oil, let it sit in the sun for a few days, and boom! You have gas!" said Bitterman. "It's probably one of the least complicated things to make," he added while taking another swig of his coffee beverage.

When Bitterman noticed he had finished his coffee, he entered the gas station store, then exited holding two bottles of Fiji Water.

"I really need to ask Walmart for a raise," he added while cleaning his windshield with the water he purchased.

Bitterman then turned to customers at neighboring pumps and explained why he's financially stressed.

“My wife and I just had our 14th child,” said Bitterman. “I refuse to pay $7 for a box of condoms."

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Mark June 15, 2012 at 10:56 pm

This is good stuff, no-way is this fictional! I love your writing and the site design is very cool!
Thanks, Mark

Fred February 28, 2014 at 6:47 am

I love these articles! Keep em coming!

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